Hello

Hello dusty blog, what's up how are ya. I missed you so much, sorry for neglecting you for months now. I have not been able to spare my time for other things except for sleep. I honestly admit that I'm really scared for my future because I legit don't wanna sacrifice my sleep for other things or anyone since I began my intership. How la nak jadi a successfull working mom liddis. Work has drained all my energy and whenever I'm not too tired from work, I just don't wanna do anything other than scrolling my phone. 

I'm on my last week of my internship now and despite all the hustles that I despise of having to go through, I'm quite proud of myself for not only holding up for the past 25 weeks, but also for being able to do audit itself. I may have complained a lot everyday, but deep down I'm truly grateful for the invaluable experience.

  

However, I wish to build a bright future with a lot of money without having to work in audit or accounting world lol they suck so much, bye.

One of the reasons to not complain at work: the helpful and crazy people

Auditor? Accountant? How about no?

It's been 4 months since the last time I blogged and my previous posts were really... er Imma just shut up because just thinking about it makes me cry (not that I don't cry on a daily basis huhu). Anyway, just a little update, (to my future self), today marked the first day of the 13th week of my internship as an auditor slash accountant. Yup, that's right. I'm really doing my internship now. Who the f would actually believe that? My old self would be so proud of me right now because I am still... alive... Okay, I'm alive, and complaining. A lot. But oh my gosh, week 13? (Although the more appropriate sentence to describe my actual emotion right now is- it's only been week 13???) (but yea). It has already been 13 weeks since I devoted and sold myself to this company, which by the way underpays its workers and deducted their trainees's salary just right before our first pay. But here I am, collecting all the courage I can get just to finish the remaining 13 weeks of my internship (26 weeks altogether). I don't know whether to be grateful that I get to learn a lot by doing all of these jobs, or to be whiny and continue being the millennial that I am, asking for my right to be paid fairly with the jobs I'm being tasked.

But whatever it is, I am not gonna give up, no matter how badly I'm being affected by my work, and the fact that I hate accounting even more now that I can actually see how it is in real life. I will not stop halfway. I'm gonna get over with this thing real quick and leave these bad memories behind haha... hm.

This post is a mess. Just like I am.

Rarely regret what I do or what happens to me. But I would do anything to turn back time so that I could stop it from happening. I've never had any bad thing haunting me every night for so long. Now everytime I try to fall aslep, I see all of the worst things I can imagine flash before my eyes. Waking up at night and being suffocated by the thought of it kills me. What's worse is having to pretend it's not hurting anymore because life can only be lived forward.